dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
