3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
