I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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