My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
