i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
