i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
