i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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