She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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