She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
