Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
