he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
