Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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