you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
