I will die if light touches me.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
