peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Randomize
