Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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