i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Liz is crying about burritos again.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
