well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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