She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
