Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
