mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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