i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
My dick has a subreddit
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
