Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
