What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
