I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
