Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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