Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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