Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I use my feet as sexual weapons
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
