Me. At least after what I've been through.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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