hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
