i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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