I can tuck mytits in my pants
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
