Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
