So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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