I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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