my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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