i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
