Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
