Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
