I wish i was in the wii world.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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