just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
