I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
