There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
