remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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