Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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