someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
