you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
