I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
