How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
