Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You're earring is so big in my mouth
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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