just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
