I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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