not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
