It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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