guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
