Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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