The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
