I CAN MOONWALK!
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
