discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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