i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
